Your Blood (Honey)

Christmas was real nice, I was lucky to have people around, though, because I had a hard time making plans myself. Repeating partially from the last post, to eat we had: My ‘thyme, spinach, mushroom, and black olive quiche’; Sagan’s home cooked chili rellenos; Maya’s delicious Indian style hearty fava bean dip (the official Indian name I can’t remember); and Davy’s delicious 3 chili, avacado, and herb burritos. Then there was an additional stuffing I made with veggie sausage, thyme, basil, and rosemary; and good old fashioned chopped and baked rosemary potatoes. As if that weren’t already enough for just four people, we also baked a pear pie and microwaved a (figgy) Christmas pudding. The difference between a fruit cake/Christmas pie and Christmas pudding is that the ladder is warm when eaten. Davy observed wisely that the Christmas pudding looked like “crude oil.” That it did. It wasn’t that bad though, I’ve eaten worse desserts. All the while we watched Christmas movies in the background (A Christmas Story, of course, and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation).

Then I skyped Monica for a little bit, which was a relief. I miss her a lot, even though the gap between seeing her again is quickly, and thankfully, narrowing. I was sort of down in general about not being around loved ones; but I realized I just needed to suck it up and put on a smile because I am in England, it’s Christmas, and there are good people around. They will soon be in Spain, at which point I will hurry and finish my academic responsibilities and start traveling. Hopefully.

I went for a run today because last night, during the conversation with Monica, it came to my attention that you can exercise while sick if you didn’t have a fever and it was mostly just runny nose type stuff. Obviously, you’re not supposed to over exert yourself, as in deplete you’re immune system’s resources; but, still you can exercise and it’s probably even good for you. So I went on a run as the sun rose this morning, and it was incredible as usual. Running in the English countryside (as seen from a bike path) is just really pleasant. I also walked to town to see what Boxing Day was all about, and there were definitely folks with tons of bags of cheap clothes. The prices didn’t seem all that different to me compared to right before Christmas, but I perhaps I’m not learned in the art of post-christmas deal spotting. Beautiful day though. I can’t get over how it hardly ever goes below 40(F) here. It felt like 60 the other day when I went to Dover with Matt.

Oh man! I never wrote about that did I. Well, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I had thought based on what everyone had told me. “It’s boring, don’t go there, go to Whitstable,” someone said. But the cliffs were worth seeing, definitely very white. If you have a longer time than I did (we got there about 2 hours before sunset) you can actually go on a great looking trail along the cliffs. Matt and I only really had time to check out the Dover Castle, though, which was well worth it. The beach was alright, and it was nice to see the ferries—so as to make plans for cheaper travel in the future.

Alright, I’ve never done a top 2008 albums list before, but I’m going to this year:

Department of Eagles – In Ear Park
There’s something going on here that seems really American to me. It’s sedated and acoustic electronic. Admitted, It’s basically the same thing as Grizzly Bear.

Animal Collective – Merriweather Post Pavilion
Like Department of Eagles and Grizzly Bear, I think they sort of have a Brian Wilson/Beach Boys thing going on. But I’m over that. I like Animal Collective because there is really an animal feel to it, but a human animal aspect, a ritualistic sound—though they aren’t really doing any rituals. This album isn’t even out yet, but we’re living in a new time, and leaks count. I’ll be seeing them in Brighton on the 15th of January.

Why – Alopecia
Largely unrecognized, he looks pretty bored in performances, if you ask me…or maybe that’s focus and some kind of realism. The lyrics are great, and pick up where the rest of anticon seems to have left off over the last few years (as far as heavy hitting memorable lines, doseone has been falling down on the job). He dosen’t try to sing on key, he sounds like a human not a singer (“not a ladies man, a land mine”). The lyrics are much more depressing in this album compared to his last (which, honestly, I think makes me like the last one, Elephant Eyelash, better). Still better than a lot of other stuff I’ve heard.

M83 – Saturdays=Youth
M83 gets me everytime. I’m such a sucker. What is this 80’s anachronism? I love it.

Gui Boratto – Chromophobia
Heard about this on All Songs Considered, thank you very much. It’s pretty brilliant dance music (in part), and it bridges seemlessly between several genres.

Girl Talk – Feed the Animals
Enough said.

Bon Iver – For Emma, Forever Ago
Produced in a cabin…it sure sounds like it. Sort of blows me back to Grizzly Bear again (like D.O.E and A.C), but he dosen’t sound like a beach boy. Anyway, ’skinny love’ is a hit for lovers.

Beach House – Devotion
I love the songs ‘Gila’ and ‘Turtle Island’. Don’t usually hear female singers like this, sort of reminds me of Portishead but less metal influence, and more ambiguous.

Deerhoof – Offend Maggie
I saw them in Chicago junior or senior year of high school with my friend Chris Howe. It was incredible. So much energy and fun, and fruit plush toys. I can’t seem to find a fan base amongst people I know for this band, but I really really like it. It’s art rock, and complicated, and even avant-garde, I’d say—but you’ll always see dudes like Animal Collective get all the attention.

Subtle – Exiting Arm
I think I was maybe less inspired by the overall album, but they always get hooked me on a few songs. There’s maybe less catch to hold me, I think because I’m used to the fog/why/doseone hook line and sinker. Still, this album is pushing something, and it’s hard to wade through the 10,000 word website of a poem attached to it. Also, saw them in Seattle almost three years ago now. Doseone told this joke: “I killed something today…It’s something I do everyday, poeple do it all the time…” he opens a box and pulls out an hourglass, “I killed and hour.” With that hourhero started the concert. We need more vaudeville.

On the way home from buying groceries at Tesco I cried. I was reading “The Stranger” by Albert Camus. I cried because the man kills someone on the beach—someone he dosen’t know. And then I cried about a lot of other things. Crying can trigger the struggles of everyday life. I can’t prove anything, I thought. I started crying because I don’t usually cry, and sometimes I feel guilty for wanting to, because that must mean that for some reason I want to be more human–or try and prove it more. But I can’t, really. And then I thought about how that dosen’t mean anything, and about my family, and Monica, and about being in Britain, and how I talked to Hanna last night on the internet. I cried for awhile and then I walked home and Sagan said, “is anybody home!?” And I wanted to be alone, because for no good reason now I was feeling more lonely, and that I didn’t want to be. But for some reason, like I wanted to preserve the feeling of being alone and not wanting to be, I ironically had to act in a way that would make me more alone. So I did, I didn’t go out and talk to her in the kitchen. She said, “it’s such a beautiful day!” And I said, “Yeah!” And I am sitting in my room right now writing this, and she’s already gone back upstairs to her room. And really, I’m the better for it, I think. Not because of being anti-social, but because I’m being social in a different way, and even though I’m going to go back out in a few minutes anyway. Really, I just want to hug Monica, see all my old friends, and go to El Norteno. But life isn’t easy, and I don’t really want it to be, and that the book has made me go through this is amazing. And that something was empty before and now is filled with something so hopeful is wonderful.

I just turned on the TV and noticed the latest Gustav update. Wow. This is a really big deal. Is it linked to global warming? It sure as hell looks like it (the quote below). Have you heard of the new show “Project Earth“? Most consumers, hopefully, are already pretty anxious about ecological concerns, to say the least.

This will certainly raise the question again of whether global warming is increasing either the frequency or intensity of hurricanes. Hurricanes need an ocean surface temperature of at least 80 degrees to form. The North American hurricane season runs from June to November each year because this is the period when the ocean waters warm during the northern summer. Numerous studies have been done since 2005 on determining whether global warming does increase the intensity of storms. Some studies have suggested that 83 degrees is the temperature required for Category 3 and higher storms to form. Studies have also shown that the average number of hurricanes has not increased, but there are a higher percentage of Category 4 and Category 5 storms since 1970. -from here

Today was a long one. I think my aggravation was catalyzed by a poor internet connection with Monica. It wasn’t that big of a deal seeing as though we did get to talk, but it put me in a bad mood because it wasn’t quite what I expected (I couldn’t really see her or hear her voice on Skype). So, frustration lead to boredom. So bored, I put pictures from Flickr onto Facebook–old pictures–and then promptly deleted them. Then I made a post about that, and deleted that. It could have been insecurity, but I had a feeling they were simply just bad. So I watched two movies, and got some manual tasks done while watching. This is a good way to kill some time when your in a bad mood (probably, showers also help me sometimes). I had about 5 tablespoons of cashew butter, which probably helped as well. The movies were “Salesman” and “The Sporting Life,” both were really enjoyable. Afterwords I went for a run and enjoyed my Saturday night with Cinda.

We arrived and stepped out of the car in Broad Ripple–the bohemian part of town fueled by 20-somethings looking for something they can’t find during the day while sober (a good time). We stepped out of the car and “Wanted Dead or Alive” was playing from some outdoor concert nearby, we cracked up about that. “We had a beer and talked about Drew Barrymore and some people we once knew with kids who were home schooled. From whom I think I stole a copy of Return of the Jedi, by moving without returning it–which I still haven’t watched (that copy at least). We had a garden pizza and it was great; though, we finished the whole thing because it had avocado on it and it’d go bad otherwise (so stuffed). I cheered up pretty fast.

Yesterday I told Jessie she could sleep on my couch for a night before her flight for Florida. Cinda at first said it was OK, but wasn’t by the time she arrived, so Jessie left before more problems arose. She left me with a copy of “Buddhism–It’s not what you think”. I haven’t really started it yet, but she read me an excerpt, not this one, but one like it:

When we practice formal sitting meditation, we pare back our activity until we’re not engaged in anything except sitting and breathing. This won’t last, of course. Sooner or later, thinking creeps into our activity, no matter what we do. That’s okay. Even as you sit quietly, doing nothing, the mind will keep coughing up stuff. This is nothing to be alarmed about. It’s normal. Just don’t get caught up with the thinking. Just let it go.

What if this time you can’t let it go? That’s okay, too. It will go in its own–if you let it.

Eventually we learn that we don’t have to participate in what the mind picks up. We learn that we don’t have to create and perpetuate suffering and discontent. We discover that it’s possible for us to see and know true freedom.

They used to teach meditation sometimes at the Unitarian Church in S.L.C. It was OK. One time they tried to lead us on a spirit journey (or something like that. They told us to come up with animals, I imagined a black panther, and lead us to a waterfall with rainbow water and a cave behind it. What the hell does that mean?

Jack and I went to Turkey Run State Park the other day, and while we were hiking we talked about a lot of stuff. We usually do, and most of the time I try to make it personal–because I hate intellectualizing things and leaving out the personal references that you make in your head to come up with the new theory or pattern your trying to explain. We talked about love and commitment and marriage and relationships. I don’t think people understand what marriage is, obviously a reference to my life. He was wondering about the legitimacy of abstinence until marriage, and whether that was a good reason to stop pursing someone immediately. I didn’t really think so, but we agreed it depends on other variables, many of which are more important. As an atheist he sometimes uses adjectives like “hippy-dippy” to describe perceived lazy attitudes towards seeking truth and making excuses by various religions. I’m not sure if I made the link to Buddhism or he did, but it was made. I mentioned Jack and I’s conversation with Jessie, and was very cautious. Religion is complicated, far more complicated that perhaps Jack is willing to admit sometimes.

Sometimes I pretend I believe in God and imagine that God means different things. Sometimes I imagine God is just a synonym for humans and we can’t admit it. Sometimes I imagine God is the environment and nature and how humans try to come to terms with it. I know some religions say that the words of their holy texts are mere words cannot speak for God himself. In that sense, maybe I’m pretty close to God. I don’t think many religions are quite as casual as I’d presuppose though (even Buddhism). Homosexuality should be the most obvious proof.

I just started reading the book “No god but God,” by Reza Aslan. I’m not through the first chapter yet, but so far a majority has been disambiguation of the precise ideological differentiations between early polytheisms, their influence on early montheisms, and other religious dialogues that occurred early in theological history. It’s fantastic so far, I can say already that it’s a superb resource for anyone interested in the place of religion in the world. Almost everyone I know is interested in the search for truth, and search for truth (and justice, etc.) is paramount in religion. It seems to me that there must be cognitive differences in believing in multiple gods, a single god, or biological systems like raw foodists. I should look into more books on this subject.

When I was at the Debbeler household awhile back, I noticed that there was a copy of an existential psychotherapy book, and I keep linking it back to my own life and religion (though I’ve only read the wikipedia page). Harmony mentioned in a comment the other day that we both always seem to be going through some kind of existential crisis. I can’t say I don’t disagree. Usually when I spend more time privately the crisis becomes more obvious (like right now)–and I move on faster when others are around. After I’ve taken an action I’m insecure about, I just have to say “it means nothing, and even if it did…” It’s a mantra that comes and goes, and leaves room for truth.

Wow, how about that VP running mate for McCain, that oughta do the trick. MMMmmm.

I want to talk about food again, and two recent articles are my main interest. One which is specifically about morality and ethics and food economics, and the second is about the possible economic cost of foods you eat if you value intelligence.

“…many people make distinctions and decisions based primarily on the degree to which they have become familiar with the creatures they ingest, the degree to which they have anthropomorphized them.

“People look at the lobster and try to imagine what its experience would be like, but they don’t look at a package of chicken breasts and imagine what the experience would be like,” said Jay Weinstein, a Manhattan caterer whose book “The Ethical Gourmet” was published this month. “It’s because they’re closer to the final step of the killing.”

While the lives of “free-range” chickens are hardly ideal, the lives of other chickens are even worse, Mr. Weinstein said. The birds’ feet are lacerated by the wire they are forced to stand on, while their beaks are clipped so they can’t peck at each other in the tight quarters they occupy. He questioned whether any of that was less offensive than the force feeding of ducks.” -from here (thanks Emily)

I’m fine with consumer moralization, people will always moralize and debate ethics–as long as we are willing to coexist while proselytizing to each other and admit it. Jack has finally convinced me, proselytizing is not only necessary, but unavoidable. In turns out people who don’t want to be preachy are some of the most preachy. As long as we admit that our actions are indeed saying something to others, that we do not have total control of it, and accept responsibility for our mistakes, that’s fine. Personally (for example), I haven’t had an argument with someone yet about why animals deserve to be treated paramount to humans–which is why I’m OK with eating meat, so long as it’s healthy and as efficiently logical as possible (leaving room for those few little hypocritical choices). Though I chose not to, still. With that, here’s an interesting excerpt from an article from the Economist:

“Dr Gómez-Pinilla has been studying the effects of food on the brain for years, and has now completed a review, just published in Nature Reviews Neuroscience, that has analyzed more than 160 studies of food’s effect on the brain. Some foods, he concludes, are like pharmaceutical compounds; their effects are so profound that the mental health of entire countries may be linked to them.

…Indeed, according to the studies reviewed by Dr Gómez-Pinilla, the benefits of omega-3s include improved learning and memory, and resistance to depression and bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, dementia, attention-deficit disorder and dyslexia. Omega-3s are found in oily fish such as salmon, as well as in walnuts and kiwi fruit, and there is a strong negative correlation between the extent to which a country consumes fish and its levels of clinical depression.” -from here

I’m reminded of a comment that my friend David Sledge once reverently made. There was once a study that proposed that within a prison inmates would be given the option to take fish-oil supplements. All of the inmates were then tracked and had to fill out evaluations for a certain regulated period of time. Over a year, those who took the fish oil supplements saw a considerable average decrease in sentence, and their violent activity decreased beyond levels accountable to chance. I had never checked the facts on David, but I just did, and the evidence seems to suggest that his comments were only slightly over-exaggerated.

From reading the omnivores dilemma you can accurately suggest that when you eat processed food it will probably have a lot of corn in it. It should probably be common sense of the health effects of not eating a variety of food. So, it might seem a little counter-intuitive if you’re chicken salad and your hamburger end up having about the same ingredients from a  nutritional standpoint. Moreover, it should be obvious that making unhealthy decisions is much easier than making healthy decisions. There doesn’t seem to be a problem getting more people to eat more food (America’s obesity rates are still on the rise, and there’s more diet food than ever). Instead, there seems to be a problem finding ways to provide people with more options than processed food. That last statement might be unfounded, but with a large population in the world still without basic resources, I can’t imagine what the world would be like without processed food. Let’s just give all our processed food that we don’t care about to countries with high poverty levels and start eating normal amounts of the stuff that’ll make us smarter and seem more ethical (feel good). Or, are we already doing that?

Also, just a note about Omega-3 oils, I heard that flax seed was as good or better than fish oil. Apparently, there is no evidence to substantiate this.

My read count is going down. The posts are too long, and that means people seem to think they’re not worth the time. That may be.

I’d like everyone to use Twitter. My user name is “codybaldwin”.

Has anyone ever noticed the speed difference of transportation affecting their outlook and perspective. This is another environmental influence. Perhaps road rage is really a symptom of just having the capability to go faster, and the environment naturally makes you ask “if I’m going this fast (way faster than humans normally can even comprehend) why can’t I go faster?” I think walking is a healthy change of environment if you have the time, but all of the modes of transportation are worth using regularly for extended periods of time. Duh.

That brings me to my next point, it seems to me that people often intuitively underrate the amount of time or effort in regards to tasks/events/situations they don’t want to do or experience. Furthermore, I think they might overrate things that they already do a lot, even if they aren’t what they want in the long term, sort of like an introspectively-social inertia. In other words, someone who gets beaten a lot will be more likely to deal with it longer if they already have been; likewise, someone who doesn’t exercise very much will underestimate the amount of time exercise should take (or how much un-fun it should be). I’d like to make a list of these for myself. Here are a few.

First set of Personal Inertia’s:

• Judgment (without taking into account environmental factors): An example of this is when I spend a lot of time with someone and I assume that it allows me to pass judgment even though I had no reason too except perhaps projected identity.
• Generalization (pattern finding, sort of like judgment, but more broad): Basically the same thing as above, except it is less specific to individuals, it’s easy to pass judgment on the world even though it didn’t ask for it. There’s a difference between prescribing, describing, and telling a story–this has to do with an inability to do one of them in the situation that requires it.
• Amnesia (the time affects perception and decision making process’s): People forget, environments change, etc. Frequency is said to be the cure, but some things should not be frequently reminded
• Environment (the state of total body and surroundings affect my perception and decision making process’s): If I’ve been going for a run everyday, and stop for a week, then go to a party and have a beer, I’m going think differently. Likewise, if I use the Internet and most people are reading books, I’m going to think different.

Pet stores are strange places. I am nervous about Canterbury–in a good way.

Damn! My external Hard Drive crashed. I lost my entire illegal music collection. That’s around 100 Gigabytes (That’s a Giga!) of music. The rest of the stuff is sort-of-backed-up. I suppose I could send the HD off and pay some ungodly amount of money for them to try and do a partial recovery, but I obviously don’t think it’s worth it. Had I paid for that music, I would be much more angry (i.e. you get what you pay for). Even if I used ITunes it’d be an unbelieavable hassle to download 100 GB of music, AGAIN. This is why audiophiles buy hard copies of their music with the artwork and keep it in sterile locations that are frequently dusted and re-arranged (cue High Fidelity clips). Bummer.

I’m haunted by that scene in 2001. What makes it so poignant, and so weird, is the computer’s emotional response to the disassembly of its mind: its despair as one circuit after another goes dark, its childlike pleading with the astronaut—“I can feel it. I can feel it. I’m afraid”—and its final reversion to what can only be called a state of innocence. HAL’s outpouring of feeling contrasts with the emotionlessness that characterizes the human figures in the film, who go about their business with an almost robotic efficiency. Their thoughts and actions feel scripted, as if they’re following the steps of an algorithm. In the world of 2001, people have become so machinelike that the most human character turns out to be a machine. That’s the essence of Kubrick’s dark prophecy: as we come to rely on computers to mediate our understanding of the world, it is our own intelligence that flattens into artificial intelligence.
Nicholas Carr. Is Google Making us Stupid. Wired: Magazine. <http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200807/google>

I’m trying to write a short essay explaining why everyone should study abroad. As I’m focusing on this task, I’m interested in how travel is a positive influence on people (my thesis is far less ambiguous but I’d prefer to leave it out at this point). I’ve moved several times in my life, but within America (technically once to South America, but I have only one 5 second memory from that). They certainly mediated my understanding of myself and others. I would say whole heartedly that moving affected my perspective on friends, family, culture, religion, America, and myself just to name a few important self-variables. College should be included, because I believe that going to college totally counts as moving in a majority of the cases. Changing one’s environment is probably the most important thing to self development. I say this because I like myself, and the way I think, and I obviously think it was an important influence on me. Just like using one media source can’t give you all of the information you need, I feel the same way about traveling and living in new environments. The Internet, and global warming, both seem to be goading this sort of vast environmental outlook, but thats a topic for another article. In the end, unfortunately, a majority of the world neither changes their environment drastically and deliberately, nor do they alter their media sources dramatically–mostly because they probably don’t have the resources (or the environment) at their fingertips, in a matter of speaking.

I recently noticed that faith, morals, and idealisms, are important mediums of communication. They are illogical(i.e. generally the premises cannot be pr oven). Mainly, in my opinion, these human words define a category of questions that are posed. It appears that each of them are answers, but in fact they are all questions that are designed to suggest possible outcomes for considering the answers to those questions. Given the fact that most people don’t have access to the same environment that I have (I have more stuff than 95% of the world at my leisure), it’s important not to forget the purpose of these words. They are an ancient and effective medium, as long as the remain questions and not answers, because the questions encourage dialogue. So faith, morals, and idealisms are kind of like gateway medium’s (like gateway drugs) in that they have the potential to convince people to movie into a vast environment of different people, communications, and cultures.

Unlike in 2001: A Space Odyssey, if computers ever reach a level of A.I. that is practically indistinguishable from human thought they would have to make an illogical decision, a faithful decision. In other words, humans create environments through faith already. We can continue to operate by algorithms, but the nature of humanity is that our questions will always define us and not our answers. In my opinion that is the original position of the environment. The environment is full of questions not answers (hence Karl Popper). In other words, it is logical to be illogical in the case of environmental rationality–in order to provoke productive dialogue with other individuals. So, in this perspective, I’m going to rejoin the vegetarian ranks, and fight for something that hopefully we won’t need eventually.

There are plenty of real questions that aren’t yet answered by this philosophical glance. Like, how much meat and what kind of meat should people really eat? Why not Vegan? How often? Why? What if people don’t care about their life expectancy, or their ability to exercise for extended periods of time? What if people don’t care about other people? Should their be government regulations for these sorts of things? If the overall goal is just education and dialogue, then what is a better way to educate people and expedite the process? What, food, I’m confused? I think, thanks to dialogue generated by the awareness that is caused by Vegetarians and their kind, fantastic books like “The Omnivores Dilemma” have been written that will end up defining the questions at the heart of the matter.

(Marcie and Peppermint Patty sit lazy like under the shade of a tree in “How Romantic, CHARLIE BROWN”)
PP: You know what some people say?
PP: They say you should live each day as if it were your last.
M: How about living each day as if the day after tomorrow were your last?
PP: You’re Weird, Marcie.

Sometimes even the most exciting new developments and information come from unexpected places. Perhaps these unexpected places are where deliberate action fails (perhaps due to emotion, or other totally human aspects). To restate some previously mentioned ideas briefly, the individual cannot ever have total control; but, the modern premises still remain (conscious improvement). Furthermore, deliberation is necessary, but ultimately imperfectly sustainable; therefore, it must consistently be altered by these exceptions (as in new developments and information realized from the unexpected places), with complete loss of dignity. No pride should hold back the acceptance of a failure in the face of deliberation. Experiencing a period of subtle failure during a period of personal deliberation unveils knowledge of the self. There is a lot wrapped up in this. Transcendence, nature, technology, systems and what it means to be human.

Ultimately, a necessary loss of dignity leads to a growing and confident self knowledge. How can one’s self knowledge grow and become confident? I think perhaps through the various arts (liminality), but not crafts . By writing down things, or creating symbols which will carry this self knowledge into lifelong modifications of the self to increase overall utility. Though these symbols ultimately mean nothing, it’s the agitation that is caused by them that creates modernized progress (that and actual work, the place where all wealth comes from). Hence, though vegetarianism is not “sustainable”, it may lead to  sustainability as a result of the nature of an individual humans relationships with symbols. Moreover, people will never agree on any single symbol (or solution or understanding), and they argue about them constantly everyday. There are holes to be filled though, symbols that just need to be re-engineered with other symbols in mind, and sometimes there is a resistance to this–sometimes inciting violence. Regardless, again the loss of control is only displaced, and each individual has the choice (and in my opinion the responsibility) to figure out where it’s displaced. In a personal case, I think silence (and ambiguity) is golden when it comes to (symbolic) idealisms that come from self knowing.

I am not opposed to metaphor here. Rather, I am saying that one must pick one’s root metaphors carefully, for appropriateness and potential fruitfulness…

Metaphor is, at it’s simplest, a way of proceeding from the known to the unknown. [This corresponds, curiously, with the Ndembu definition of a symbol in ritual.] It is a way of cognition in which the identifying qualities of one thing are transferred in an instantaneous, almost unconscious, flash of insight to some other thing that is, by remoteness or complexity, unknown to us. The test of essential metaphor, Phillip Wheelwright has written, is not an rule of gramattical form, but rather the quality of semantic transformation that is brought about.

Turner, Victor. (1974) Dramas, Fields, and Metaphors: Symbolic Action in Human Society. Ithica, NY: Cornell University Press

A common problem for me is making generalizations (in a matter of speaking–I sometimes refer to this as projected identity, and other times refer to it as the age of anxiety). I often need to be reminded or made consistently aware of this problem. I often write on my skin for this purpose. A better understanding of the self may lead to a better contentment with the world, this is no excuse for complacency–but it’s hard to say what the action of complacency really looks like. It’s important for me not to be agitated and approach problems where I look complacent–even though I am most definitely concerned and confident in my actions and individual opinions. This is just one example of self knowledge.

Now I read, listen, watch, exchange, excercise, think. Now I consume. The experimental film is finished and in processing. What happens now is working with what we have in post. A perceived haitus of deliberation has now begun to slow. From the surface the solid calm of an enclosed rising water may worry some–those who know what must be growing beneath it. It is intuitively foreboding. And the globe is warming.

I had my first Twinkie in 7 years. It was the perfect sin. Doing bad things alone is kind of nice sometimes. It helps to remind you about bad things and why they are bad, or why you like them even though they are bad. But really, they are still bad. In fact, sometimes things should be outlawed. Because sometimes it’s harder to give people the opportunity to not do something, than it is for you to give them the opportunity to do something. Heroine, for example. It’s hard to give someone the opportunity to not be addicted–It’s easy to give someone the opportunity to be addicted (or it would be if there weren’t laws in place of a natural capitalism to take advantage of the situation). Anyway, I ate a Twinkie–So here’s to another 7 years.

Jessie finally called–a week later. Still don’t know what happened though. The film looks fantastic regardless, and we could make a movie out of what we have if we had to–but that won’t happen. Monica recommended STIFF to me, and I’m really enjoying it.

It was not unheard of for an anatomist to tote freshly deceased family members over to the dissecting chamber for a morning before dropping them off at the churchyard…

Harvey did what he did because the alternatives–stealing the corpses of someone else’s love ones or giving up his research–were unacceptable to him. Modern-day medical students living under Taliban rule faced a similar dilemma, and, on occasion have made similar choices.

Everyone lives in a different reality. It’s a beautiful thing, and it makes a lot of simplified things more interesting because they inevitable are different within everyone. On the other hand, theres a lot of simple things that span throughout a lot of major cultures and religions and societies. This is pretty obvious stuff, but the reason I bring it up is my parents. They are in different worlds, and I feel like they both have a hard time letting other people’s realities alter theres. This can be good and bad, but it’s just something I was noticing–plus I’m worried it may be a family curse. As you might not already know, all families are cursed. One way to fix a curse is to make the curse a blessing. However, This is only a temporary solution.

It’s been 2 days 1 hour and 29 minutes sense I talked to Jessie Chivington. And approximately 1 day and 12 hours sense I should have heard from her, she never showed–and no phone calls either.

An irruption from the collective unconscious. Jung Thaught, can wipe out the fragile individual ego. In the depths of the collective the archetpes slumber; if aroused, they can heal or they can destroy. This is the danger of the archetypes; the opposite qualities are not yet separated. Bipolarization into paired opposites does not occur until consciousness occurs.

So, with the gods, life and death–protection and destruction—are one. This secret partnership exists outside of time and space.

It can amke you very much afraid, and for good reason. After all, your existence is at stake.

…Death hides within every religion.

Something was fired at us, something healing, and something sick. Anyway, our faculty (deliberation) was in a different time, and the great grey prevailed. The great grey is the muddle of definitions and feelings (time and space) in the face of some further memory or generally a conflicting reality. I seem beside myself in this case.

Last night Sagan Stier, Nick Stange, and David Corso met to talk about the film. After having watched our sci-fi feeling film, and watching a few hours of psychic kids on Larry King Live–we were ready to talk about the fun stuff. I rob a grotesque catharsis from science fiction. A kind of horror (fear) that evolves and grows in the what seems like the collective unconscious. There is a sick love and hate (great grey) for the barely false: aliens, zombies, Blindness (as in the recent film), space, time, robots, the metaconscious, circles, psychics, drugs, sterility (as in Children Of Men), and god. Reading the New York Times on science tuesday, or going to the mall in quiet observation creates an anxiety only fulfilled emotionally by a movie like 2001: A Space Odessey–Which I’ll be watching tonight. God I love that song: György Ligeti’s Requiem for soprano, mezzo soprano, two mixed choirs & orchestra. But really, what happened to Jessie?

17. Do not inject opinion.

Unless there is a good reason for its being there, do not inject opinion into a piece of writing…opinions scattered indiscriminately about leave the mark of egotism on a work. Similiarly, to air one’s views at an improper time may be in bad taste…But bear in mind that your opinion of cats was not sought, only your services as a speaker. Try to keep things straight.

Last time I ran it was too hot. I could have gotten heat stroke, it was mid-day and the sun at its brightest. Even the corpses were feeling it in their headstones, in the cemetery near Hinkles burger joint–where they grind their meat fresh daily. I talked with Jack about his plans, which are exciting and determined–I can’t wait to see what he does in Africa, and I’m really glad I asked him to tell me a story for Speewah.

I watched two great movies, both disturbing. Kids, about kids and sex and AIDS–and La Hein a french film, about gun control and the stratification of classes from center city luxury to the outer city projects. Both convincing, emotional, and worth seeing for anyone interested in the subjects or film in general.